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HOW TO: Convince her to have anal sex

Monday, April 14th, 2008 Write a comment

Here’s what works for me.

You have to condition them that sexual pleasure is always present when there is something in her ass or some kind of ass play. Even if the cause of the sexual pleasure for her, isn’t the ass aspect, it should have convinced her enough to try it. Thus, whenever messing around, always rub the outside of her asshole, usually with your thumb.

A good trick when you are hitting from behind is to rub it with your thumb without sticking in your thumb. Eventually you can kind of rub it open. It’s not by sticking your thumb in pointy side first, but like you are pressing with the ball of your thumb.

Back to the main point…

Whenever you are eating her out, or having sex and her pleasure is increasing, always have a digit there or some kind of presence. As she is getting ready to cum, slowly slide in more and more fingers or increase the presence.

You can’t do it too quick or you will mess up. Then she will equate things in her ass to ruining her orgasm, rather than contributing to them. Even if she derives no pleasure from something in her ass, in her mind, she will realize whenever she comes theres something in her ass. Thus, something in her ass can make her cum. Creating the perfect girlfriend is a lot like training a dog. Sometimes you have to trick them, but it’s out of love. The anal thing is an art, and it took me all of college to figure out.

Your chances.

85% of girls will be down with you playing with their ass and you should be able to get them to equate getting off with shit in their ass. Eat a lot of pussy, and after she’s really fucking hot, then start fucking with her ass and escalate it till she gets off. Now some chicks just freak out when they feel anything in their ass. If thats the case, dump her.

Now, when you get her to let you have anal sex, make sure she’s drunk and make sure you put more oil on that shit than an F-1 car. Take it slow, and don’t go more than half way in the first time. Even if she’s digging it, take it slow. Don’t comment on there being any shit on your dick, even if there is, and tell her how sexy she looks.

About Her.

What you are trying to do is subconsciously equate her being beautiful (or funny, or smart or whatever it is she wants to be) with taking it in the ass. You know what sells to your girlfriend. You want to equate that action with whatever she wants to be. This works for anything.

Learn how she wants to be seen, when you want to reinforce that behavior. When the behavior is present, you make them feel how they want to feel. Again, it’s an art and it takes practice. You know, you really gotta dog a chick when they do what you want.

A big part of the fun of doing a chick in the ass is you get to give them grief about it, and ’shame’ them for it afterwards. Don’t do this after the first time. Don’t do it after the third time. Wait until it’s on the menu for sure.

Let’s say you are sitting next to her with an audience of her parents. Lean into her ear and whisper, “(insert her father’s name here) daughter just had a big angry cock in her ass” Watch her choke on her water and laugh to yourself.

Signs to Watch.

Remember, NO means NO, except…

  • if she says it in any of the following ways you’re good - whispers, teasingly, jokingly, as she pants from the sex, as she is bouncing still on your cock, as she pushes herself back onto your dick.
  • if she says these you aren’t - ouch; stops the sex altogether and says no; punches your throat; starts crapping all over; pukes on you…

You’ll know if she likes it because if she does she’ll be going double time. If she doesn’t, she’ll be crying, so 50/50.

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Craigslist Ad - How Not to Write One

Saturday, February 16th, 2008 Write a Comment

Date: 2007-08-12, 6:24PM EDT

8×8x16 Cement Block - $1

I have approximately 275 to 300 cinder blocks for sale. They are standard 8″x8″x16″. They cost about $1.75 plus delivery fees if you buy them somewhere else. I’m asking $1.00 per block.

You pick them up and move them yourself.

Please don’t waste my fucking time with endless emails. These are plain old cinderblocks, for fuck sake. You don’t need to do an engineering study on the feasibility of using these fucking things as building material. That’s what they’re for, you fucking idiots. Now listen, we’re all busy people here. You want the blocks? Come get the fucking blocks and give me one dollar for every block you take. How fucking hard is that? You don’t have to tell me what you’re building. I don’t give a fuck. I’m not interested in helping you build it either. Why? Because I don’t give a fuck. I just want to get these fucking things off my property. So if you want them, get the fuck over here with some money and take them. The next fucking moron that emails me with “I’m building a blah blah blah, and was wondering if…” The answer is NO. Come get the fucking blocks and build it yourself. If I knew how to do masonry, don’t you think I’d be using the blocks myself instead of selling them for half fucking price? What the fuck is wrong with you people? The next one of you fucking jackasses that emails me with some sob-story bullshit is getting his email address added to the North American Man/Boy Love Association mailing list.

You want the blocks? Come get the blocks, and don’t fuck with me!

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