Useless Junk of the Day

Two decades of research show that marijuana use may actually reduce driver accidents.

The effects of marijuana use on driving performance have been extensively researched over the last 20 years. All major studies show that marijuana consumption has little or no effect on driving ability, and may actually reduce accidents. Here’s a summary of the biggest studies into pot use and driving.

A 1983 study by the US National Highway Transportation Safety Administration (NHTSA) concluded that the only significant affect of cannabis use was slower driving - arguably a positive effect of driving high.

A comprehensive 1992 NHTSA study revealed that pot is rarely involved in driving accidents, except when combined with alcohol. The study concluded that “the THC-only drivers had an [accident] responsibility rate below that of the drug free drivers.” This study was buried for six years and not released until 1998.

A 1993 NHTSA study dosed Dutch drivers with THC and tested them on real Dutch roads. It concluded that THC caused no impairment except for a slight deficiency in the driver’s ability to “maintain a steady lateral position on the road.” This means that the THC-dosed drivers had a little trouble staying smack in the center of their lanes, but showed no other problems. The study noted that the effects of even high doses of THC were far less than that of alcohol or many prescription drugs. The study concluded that “THC’s adverse effects on driving performance appear relatively small.”

A massive 1998 study by the University of Adelaide and Transport South Australia examined blood samples from drivers involved in 2,500 accidents. It found that drivers with only cannabis in their systems were slightly less likely to cause accidents than those without. Drivers with both marijuana and alcohol did have a high accident responsibility rate. The report concluded, “there was no indication that marijuana by itself was a cause of fatal accidents.”

In Canada, a 1999 University of Toronto meta-analysis of studies into pot and driving showed that drivers who consumed a moderate amount of pot typically refrained from passing cars and drove at a more consistent speed. The analysis also confirmed that marijuana taken alone does not increase a driver’s risk of causing an accident.

More in the link below. story here

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I will now tell you how to make a tazer out of those items and how to use the thing when you are done! Here are the following steps to remember…

1) Disassemble camera
2) Remove battery & film canister
3) Disable the electric charge
4) Remove circuit board
5) Add paper clips & duct tape
6) Reassemble & use
7) Repeat as needed for more tazers

Items needed: Duct tape, 2 paper clips, metal object, used up one time use camera, sharp edge.

See the tape in the picture above? Do not use that tape, use duct tape. I am stupid so I am going ahead to use this flammable tape.

*Disassemble camera

See this camera? It is a Kodak Max Flash Camera. To make a tazer, you can use any sort of camera that is one time use and has a flash installed in it. Personally I prefer the Walmart Fujifilm cameras because I can easily install it in here and it has a switch interface for the flash. I had trouble installing the equipment inside this camera. Note: Be sure the film is used up so you don’t ruin the film canister itself.

You need to remove a section of the camera. Take some sharp edged object and shift it around on the camera edges where it looks like it can break apart to remove a piece of the camera covering.

*Remove battery & film canister

See the battery and film canister inside the camera? You will need to remove those to get to the circuit board. It’s best that you remove the battery first to stop yourself from shocking your body. Next remove the film canister. You can still redeem the canister for photos at your local photo shop. If there is a little bit of film still sticking out, turn the knob on the top of the film canister so film won’t stick out anymore.

*Disable electric charge

This one is really dangerous so make sure you don’t have any flammable items near the circuit board or camera. Grab some long metal object and hold it in your hand tightly. Flip over the camera so that the lens is facing you like in the above picture.

See the green circle in the above picture? That is where you are going to place the metal object. Slowly slide the metal object on the spikes near that flash battery. After a few seconds you will see a large spark come out with a loud sound accompanying it. Make sure not to burn yourself!

Look on the area where you touched the metal and on the metal itself. You will see that it will be burnt crisp. This is natural, don’t worry about it.

*Remove circuit board
Now we are onto easier things. To remove the circuit board, all you have to do is just pull it out. Make sure you don’t break anything though or expect to use up a new camera.

*Add paper clips & duct tape

Turn the circuit board over so that the brown side is showing.

Bend the paper clips so that it’s a fishing hook. Now attach the paper clips to the metal wires attached to the flash battery as seen in the green circle on the picture above the paper clip hook picture. Bend the hook so that it will touch itself and not fall off the wires. Do the same to the other wire attached to the flash battery. Now duct tape in-between the 2 wires because if those paperclips touch each other, the tazer will not operate. Once you have that done, reassemble the camera together.

*Reassemble & use

Put the case and battery back together then bend the straight ends of the paper clip so that they look properly installed. Tape it all back together, making sure not to tape the flash button or the flash indicator.
Now try it! Remember, the tazer will only work on electrocutable things, so don’t expect to see sparks on rubber products.

Oh yeah one more thing, don’t expect the tazer to shoot out an electric stream between the 2 paperclips, it doesn’t do it here.
I had 2 slashes on my thigh from tazer burns. They were from an earlier made tazer using a AAA battery. Those wounds took almost a month to heal. When I tested it on myself, I had 2 shocks on the thigh, 2 on a shoulder, 1 on my stomach (it turned my stomach from flab to a 6 pack for a second), 1 on my chest, 1 on my butt cheek, and 1 on my back. If you use it on someone or on yourself, expect to experience a large sharp pain for a second, then some burn wounds. If you use it on metal, expect a large flurry of sparks.

*Ideas not tested
An underwater tazer. Imagine using a used up underwater one-time use camera and installing a tazer in it. Good for fishing, but may only have a 1-inch diameter in water shock.

Tazer prod. Install the tazer onto a long stick and turn on the charge. That would be a nice prod.

Tazer knife. Take the circuit board of the tazer and install it on a knife. May have damaging results. Of course it could result in large sparks.

I hope you liked this guide and maybe it will be useful to you.

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Summer is coming and many of you might be taking some sort of vacation. Keep in mind wherever you may be there is likely to be a fine or not so fine local strip club for you and the family to enjoy (oh the wife will love it). If you happen to be in any of the following cities, you are in luck as each of them has a club currently in the top 10 best strip clubs in the world.

Number 10
Brandi’s, Vancouver, Canada
Type: Nude

When Hollywood heads north to make movies, Brandi’s is the de rigueur joint for nighttime fun. It is, in fact, where Ben Affleck was spotted, kicking off his relationship woes with J.Lo. The women of Brandi’s love their craft and really flaunt it. They do several songs per set before walking around and offering private shows, and are even known to chat you up without pressuring you to pay. The best part: neck and shoulder massages offered by naked women.

Number 9
Colibri, Hamburg, Germany
Type: Nude and live sex

The St. Pauli district of Hamburg can be described as the Las Vegas of sex, with strip joints and peep shows as loud, bright and gaudy as those in America’s gambling capital. Colibri is a gentlemen’s club, but of the Hamburg variety, which means that offering naked women isn’t enough. But the live sex shows have as much finesse and good taste as live sex shows can . One act features the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace, wherein a young maiden tempts a famously reticent English guard into passionate lovemaking. And they do it to classical music.

Number 8
Chez Pare, Montreal, Canada
Type: Nude

Visitors to the great white north know that Montreal is the single best North American destination for adult entertainment. With an ethnically diverse population and large university contingent, the women of Montreal are stunningly beautiful, and liberal in attitude. Chez Paree is dubbed “Montreal most elegant gentlemen’s club,” offering the hottest women who will dance at your table or perform girl-on-girl shows for reasonable prices. Even the VIP room is a bargain, at least by strip club standards. However, this is not a Montreal “contact” club, so keep your hands to yourself.

Number 7
Dolls, Moscow, Russia
Type: Topless

Russia’s business elite (and even foreign business types and celebrities) have come to depend on Dolls for high-class adult entertainment. Dolls — Moscow’s first strip club — breaks every mold of the strip club genre with its elegance and excellence. You can dine in style with the best view of Russian women, whose beauty is the stuff of legends. The shows are carefully rehearsed and uniquely spectacular, but there’s a reason only the very rich come here. Be ready to see your bank account thin out after a night here.

Number 6
Goldfingers, Melbourne, Australia
Type: Nude

Goldfingers is a complete bar that includes a restaurant, poolroom, cigar lounge, and four separate areas where Australia’s sexiest women show what they’re made of (depending on how up-close and personal you want to get). Distinguished men doing business down under — that is, in Australia — and distinguished locals alike hold group functions at Goldfingers, as evidenced by the refined garb of the patrons.

Number 5
Scores, New York, New York
Type: Topless

Manhattan’s premier gentlemen’s club is the place where George Clooney throws his birthday bashes and Chuck Norris bid bachelorhood adieu. Large, classy and featuring scores of girls (natch) to suit every taste, you’ll often find celebrities and high rollers at the club, dining on a fine steak while receiving a lap dance. You can enjoy the show from the buzzing Showroom, or chill in the Champagne Lounge for the best view of center stage. Those with no spending limits on their plastic can book the private President’s Club, where dancers personally serve clients.

Number 4
Blue Rose, Ibiza, Spain
Type: Nude

If Ibiza is the epicenter of hedonism, then Blue Rose is its crowning jewel. Like much of the island itself, the shows at the Rose take it up a notch, with lots of girl-on-girl action and simulated sex acts — it sometimes gets messy when whipped cream and champagne get involved. Unique to the Rose is the level of interaction between stage dancers and the audience, but it’s always respectful. Of course, lap dances are offered, and always by girls who love what they do.

Number 3
Crazy Horse, Paris, France
Type: Nude cabaret

Forget the Moulin Rouge. The gentlemen’s cabaret with a naughty French twist is only found at the fabled Crazy Horse. All seats are facing the main stage, where intricate nude shows stretch every definition of entertainment. Gorgeous women bathe for the audience, frolic to songs, and use their bodies as canvases for light and laser acts. Always renewing itself, the Crazy Horse highlights the naked female not only as something to be admired, but also as something artistic.

Number 2
Seventh Heaven, Tokyo, Japan
Type: Topless

Tokyo’s most successful gentlemen’s club features mostly European and American dancers, who win over clients thanks to their friendliness; they sit and chat with customers without pressuring them to buy drinks or pay for private dances. If you do get a personal show, you’ll surely notice the club’s rather lax no-touching rule (some girls will take your hands and make you touch them). However, like most of Tokyo, a full night out can get very expensive.

Number 1
Crazy Horse Too, Las Vegas, Nevada
Type: Topless

An offshoot of the Parisian original, Crazy Horse Too sets the standard for gentlemen’s clubs in Sin City. In fact, it’s where legendary porn star Jenna Jameson learned the ropes (or, shall I say, poles?). Both natural and enhanced women do their thing on two stages and there’s a spillover area for packed nights. A VIP room will ensure that you get more personal attention — three songs worth. If you go on a good night, tip well and treat your dancer politely — you might be rewarded with a more “special” lap dance.

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A hoax is an attempt to trick an audience into believing that something false is real. We came up with a selection of the Top 10 Greatest Hoaxes of all time:

The Surgeon’s Photo of the Loch Ness Monster

Ancient Scottish legends spoke of a giant sea monster that lived in the waters of Loch Ness. In 1934, Colonel Robert Wilson, a highly respectable British surgeon, said that he noticed something moving in the water and took a picture of it. The resulting image showed the slender neck of a serpent rising out of the Loch. The photo came to be known simply as “The Surgeon’s Photo” and for decades it was considered to be the best evidence of the monster.

It wasn’t until 1994, when Christian Spurling, before his death at the age of 90, confessed his involvement in a plot, that included Wetherell and Colonel Wilson, to create the famous photo. Apparently Wetherell’s motive was revenge, since he was humiliated years earlier when the supposed monster’s footprints he found were nothing but dried hippo’s footsteps.

Hitler’s $6 million-dollar diary

On April 22, 1983 the German magazine Der Stern announced that it had made the greatest Nazi memorabilia find of all time: a diary kept by Adolf Hitler himself. And this was not just one thin journal.

The magazine had paid 10 million German marks ($6 million at that time) for the sixty small books as well as two “special issues” about Rudolf Hess’ flight to the United Kingdom, covering the period from 1932 to 1945.

However, within two weeks, the Hitler Diaries were revealed as being “grotesquely plump fakes” made on modern paper using modern ink and full of historical inaccuracies, the most obvious of which might have been the fact that the monogram on the title page read ‘FH’ instead of ‘AH’ (for Adolf Hitler). The diaries were actually written by Konrad Kujau, a notorious Stuttgart forger of Hitler’s works, who was sentenced to 42 months in prison.

The Jewish master plan to dominate the World

The Protocols of the Elders of Zion is a text purporting to describe a plan to achieve global domination by Jews. Following its first publication in 1903 in the Russian Empire, numerous independent investigations have demonstrated that the document is a hoax; notably, a series of articles printed in The Times of London in 1921 revealed that much of the material was directly plagiarized from earlier works of political satire unrelated to Jews.

In Russia, it helped to the idea that the Bolshevik movement was a Jewish conspiracy for world domination. On WWII, The Protocols became a part of the Nazi propaganda effort to justify persecution of the Jews. It was made required reading for German students.

Today, many Arab governments funded new printings of the Protocols, and taught them in their schools as historical fact. In Syria, The Protocols is currently a best-seller, and government-controlled television channels occasionally broadcast mini-series concerning the Protocols.

Idaho, the US state with a made-up name

Idaho it’s perhaps the only state to be named as the result of a hoax. When a name was being selected for new territory, eccentric lobbyist George M. Willing suggested “Idaho,” which he claimed was a Native American term meaning “gem of the mountains”.

It was later revealed Willing had made up the name himself, and the original Idaho territory was re-named Colorado because of it. Eventually the controversy was forgotten, and modern-day Idaho was given the made-up name when the Idaho Territory was formally created in 1863.

The Alien Autopsy footage from Roswell UFO crash

On 5 May 1995, Ray Santilli, a London-based film producer, presented for the first time his alleged “Alien Autopsy” footage to media representatives and UFO researchers. The body was suggested to belong to one of the aliens picked from the supposed Roswell UFO crash site in 1947. The footage became world-known inmediatly.

he debate on whether the autopsied body is a very realistic mannequin, a girl with a genetic disorder (such as progeria or Turner’s syndrome), or a real alien is still going on. Pathologists have also questioned the techniques being used in the supposed autopsy. Ironically, the best evidence against the film comes from one of the background details. On one wall of the autopsy room, there is a type of warning sign that was not produced until 1967, two decades after the alleged event.

Fox TV produced a programme debunking the video as a hoax a couple of years later and, in 2006, a British comedy movie called “Alien Autopsy” was released, on the subject of Santilli faking the autopsy footage, who was apparently involved in the movie’s production, which if so would suggest that the autopsy footage was indeed faked.

The fossil that embarrassed British Paleontology

The so-called Piltdown Man was fragments of a skull and jaw bone found in 1912 from a gravel pit at Piltdown in the English county of Sussex. The fragments were claimed by experts of the day to be the fossilised remains of a hitherto unknown form of early man.

From the British Museum’s reconstruction of the skull, it was proposed that Piltdown man represented an evolutionary missing link between ape and man, since the combination of a human-like cranium with an ape-like jaw tended to support the notion then prevailing in England that human evolution was brain-led.

In 1953, 41 years later, the Piltdown man was finally exposed as a composite forgery: it consisted of a human skull of medieval age, the 500-year-old lower jaw of a Sarawak orangutan and chimpanzee fossil teeth. The identity of the Piltdown forger remains unknown.

The Catholic Pope that turned out to be a woman

John Anglicus, a ninth century Englishman, travelled to Rome, became a Cardinal, and when Pope Leo IV died in 853 A.D., he was unanimously elected pope. As Pope John VIII, he ruled for two years, until 855 A.D. However, while riding one day from St. Peter’s to the Lateran, he had to stop by the side of the road and, to the astonishment of everyone, gave birth to a child. It turned out that Pope John VIII was really a woman. In other words, Pope John was really Pope Joan.

According to legend, upon discovering the Pope’s true gender, the people of Rome tied her feet together and dragged her behind a horse while stoning her, until she died. Another legend has it that she was sent to a faraway convent to repent her sins and that the child she bore grew up to become the Bishop of Ostia. It is not known whether the story of Pope Joan is true.

The “Chess Machine” that fooled Napoleon

The Turk was a famous hoax which purported to be a chess-playing automaton first constructed and unveiled in 1769 by Wolfgang von Kempelen. He first exhibited the Turk at the court of Austrian Empress Maria Theresa in 1770, and later took it on a tour of Europe for several years during the 1780s. The Turk defeated prominent world-figures, such as Napoleon Bonaparte and Benjamin Franklin.

The cabinet had doors that opened to reveal internal clockwork mechanisms, and when activated the mechanism appeared to be able to play a strong game of chess against a human opponent. However, the cabinet was a cleverly constructed illusion that allowed a chess master to hide inside and operate the mannequin. Consequently, it won most games.

The buying of the Catholic Church by Microsoft

In 1994 a press release began circulating around the internet claiming that Microsoft had bought the Catholic church. The release quoted Bill Gates saying that he considered religion to be a growth market and that, “The combined resources of Microsoft and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people.” Under the terms of the deal, Microsoft would acquire exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and would make the sacraments available online.

Microsoft had to issue a formal denial of the release on December 16, 1994. This was the first internet hoax to reach a mass audience using the internet. The authors of these hoaxes remain unknown.

The Martian invasion that frightened the World

The War of the Worlds, is a radio adaptation by Orson Welles based upon H. G. Wells’ classic novel, was performed by Mercury Theatre on the Air as a Halloween special on October 30, 1938. The live broadcast reportedly frightened many listeners into believing that an actual Martian invasion was in progress. It has been called the “single greatest media hoax of all time“, although it was not intended to be one.

Contemporary newspapers reported panic ensued, with people fleeing the area, and others thinking they could smell the poison gas or could see the flashes of the fighting in the distance. Several people reportedly rushed to the “scene” of the events in New Jersey to see if they could catch a glimpse of the unfolding events, including a few astronomers from Princeton University who went looking for the “meteorite” that had supposedly fallen near their school.

It is sometimes said that the news of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was first received in skepticism as a consequence of the radio performance. Amazingly enough, the drama has been rewritten to apply to other locations and rebroadcast, with similar results:
- A 1944 broadcast in Santiago, Chile caused panic, including mobilization of troops by the governor.
- A February 12, 1949 broadcast in Quito, Ecuador panicked tens of thousands. Some listeners, enraged at the deception, set fire to the radio station and the offices of El Comercio, the capital’s leading newspaper, killing twenty people.

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If you’re a man aged anywhere from  21  to  35,   I’ve got some sobering news for you. Your Grandmother is a better drinker than you  are.

Let me be more specific, your Grandmother is a manlier drinker than you are. Now, I’m not talking quantity, (I don’t think she’ll be beating you at a keg stand anytime soon) I’m talking about quality. I’m talking about the fact that she probably drinks bourbon or gin while you’re drinking a vodka and cranberry. Let’s face it, when it comes to drinking like men, our generation is a disgrace.

But there is hope. The cocktail is currently enjoying a renaissance. The sun has set on the era of the wine cooler and the decade of peach schnapps. Real drinks are back. This is our golden opportunity to pick up the torch we dropped and learn to drink like men, so that one day we might pass that knowledge to our sons.

But if we are to carry on the tradition of masculine drinking, we will need guidance. To that end, a widely read publication recently printed a list of “Ten Manly Drinks.” It spoke with authority on what you could proudly hold in your hand in public. A noble goal to be sure, but one that the list fell short of. Sure, the Manhattan was there, and the Martini, but so was the Sidecar.

Really? The Sidecar? Sure it’s a classic cocktail and it tastes great, but most bars serve it with a sugarcoated rim. It’s a close cousin to the Lemon Drop, for God’s sake. I knew then that it was time for a real man to step forward to properly instruct the masses on the finer points of manly drinks. And until that man is found, I will do my best in his place.

You see, I’m not a manly drinker. But I aspire to be one. I want to drink like my father drank. And like his father before him. I want to proudly shout my order to the bartender and see the nods of respect out of the corner of my eye. I want to trade my straw for a swizzle and my pink vodka slurry for something brown and congener-laced. But it won’t be easy.

I have a confession to make. I don’t love the taste of booze. I know that some of you will now scoff and turn the page, but I know that there are others like me, and that they will keep reading. Together we can find a way to drink like men.

I know that I am not alone because the American palate has changed. We have turned away from gin and bourbon and embraced vodka, the safe, colorless, tasteless friend of the amateur drinker. But we are not fulfilled. We drink a Sour Appletini with shame as the man next to us polishes off a scotch. We pray that the bartender won’t garnish our glass with an orange slice while the girls are watching. We look across the sea of bottles behind the bar and wonder “What will taste good and not leave me emasculated?” Join with me then, as we put down the hooter shooter and go in search of a manly drink.

First, we must define our terms. What exactly is a manly drink? The definition is situation and location dependent. Think a martini is always manly? Try ordering one in a blue collar Rust Belt bar. See what kind of looks you get from the locals. The hard truth is that in some establishments, the only thing a man drinks is a shot or a beer. Or both in quick succession. So yes, you can always look like a man if you drink a beer, but a bottle of suds will never have the gentlemanly charm of a Manhattan.

So let’s assume that you’re in bar where you can drink from stemware and still be a man. What now? Well, our definition still needs work. After all, there are two groups that you want to look like a man in front of, and they don’t have the same conceptions. I’m speaking of course of men and women. Think about it this way, a woman might be excited by a sports car with smooth European styling and not give a damn what’s under the hood. But a man will give more respect when you rev up an old Dodge Charger with two primered doors and a quarter panel missing. He respects that big block V8. So, by the same token, there are drinks that a woman thinks are manly, and those that will give you standing among other men, and they only partly overlap.

The first factor is the drink’s appearance. Color and container. This will determine how your drink looks from across the room. A rocks glass looks great. So can a martini glass. But unless you’re in a Tiki bar, you don’t want to be the guy drinking out of a novelty glass with a kooky straw. And the color of your drink is perhaps even more important. There are really only two acceptable colors. Clear and brown. Clear could be vodka or gin. Brown could be bourbon or whiskey. Green and blue are probably colors you don’t want to run up the flagpole. Here’s a simple little rhyme that may help: If it’s brown, suck it down, if it’s pink, don’t you drink.

The second factor to take into consideration is the drink’s name. Because inevitably, someone is going to hear you order it, even if it’s just the bartender. I don’t care if your drink is a mixture of bourbon, bitters and Tabasco sauce; if it’s called a Fuzzy Slipper it’s not manly and you don’t want to order it. You want a tough, classic, simple name. A Bronx. A Rusty Nail. A Boiler Maker. But just remember to steer clear of novelty names that are associated with frat boy drinks. A Scud Missile might sound tough, but it also sounds like you do your drinking at a place with a lot of crazy crap on the wall and waiters that wear striped shirts. Sure, it will get you messed up (it’s Bacardi 151 and cinnamon schnapps for any curious frat boys out there) but so will huffing paint. A name shouldn’t be too trendy, clever, or have sex references in it. It’s a cocktail, not a punch line.

So we know what we’re trying to avoid, now let’s put it into practice with an example. You’re out at a bar and your girlfriend is drinking a Cosmopolitan. You sneak a sip and it tastes pretty good. You contemplate having her stealthily order one on your behalf, but then you’d still have that pink martini glass to deal with. Thinking on your feet, you step up to the bar prepared to order a Kamikaze. After all, it’s just like a Cosmo without the splash of cranberry to pinkify it. But just before the word escapes your lips you realize you’ll sound like a frat boy. They might even ask for your ID (which your little brother happens to be “borrowing” at the moment). Just as the bartender is about to give you the hairy eyeball (which isn’t a drink, but should be) you say, “I’ll have a vodka and triple sec. Rocks. And can I get a lime with that?” You’ve just ordered a basic version of a Kamikaze (the only difference is that most bars would put Rose’s lime juice in a Kamikaze so yours will be a bit drier). It’ll taste pretty similar to a Cosmo, be served in a rocks glass and looks just like a gin and tonic or any other such clear drink. What’s more, you asked for something simple and specific, which makes you look like a man who knows how to drink. Granted, the triple sec is not the most manly of ingredients, but you’re still a lot better off than you were ordering a Cosmo or Kamikaze.

The previous example leads me to one final point — the special order. To have a manly drink that agrees with your palate, you may have to create it yourself. This is actually a good thing, as long as you do it right. For example, you ask the bartender, “Have you got any rye whiskey?” He says, “We’ve got Jim Beam Rye.” You answer “Great, I’ll have a rye and Coke.” Now you’ve got something the right color and in the right glass, but you just basically ordered a Jim Beam and Coke. Brother to the Jack and Coke. Cousin to the rum and Coke, favored drink of teen boys nationwide. But you’ll probably get away with still looking like a man. Why? Because you asked about rye whiskey. Something only real men drink. And that’s what will stick in their minds.

Even better is to ask for a specific brand of liquor. After all, our parents and grandparents didn’t just drink their drink, they drank it with their brand. For my mom, it was (and still is) a Dewars and water. For my grandfather it was an Old Crow and soda. But don’t let it all go wrong. Take this exchange for example: a soon to be shunned fellow yells “Can I get an Electric Razzle Frazzle?” After getting a blank stare from the barkeep he decides to teach him a little something. “It’s Sour Puss raspberry liqueur with root beer schnapps and a float of cream.”

Now, there are a lot of things that went wrong there, but let’s just hit the highlights. (To save time, we’ll ignore the spurious contents of this hopefully fictional drink). Don’t order a drink that you’re pretty sure the bartender has never heard of, especially if there is anyone one else waiting for a drink. (Not to mention that it’s probably a made-up drink that you got off of some chain restaurant’s table placard). And chances are, the bartender doesn’t care what it’s called anyway. Just tell him or her how to make it. And keep it simple. I’ll have an X with Y please (and maybe a dash of Z). The special order. Use it right and you’re the drinking man you’ve always aspired to be. Use it wrong and become the bane of every bartender’s existence.

Now that I’ve cautioned you on all the things that can go wrong, get out there and do something right. Drink. Keep drinking. Make it your goal to find that one drink that fits you like a glove. And, uh, makes you look like a man that doesn’t wear gloves. As for me, I’m still looking. Still looking for the drink with the right color, container, contents and character to set me apart as a real drinking man. I started with the Black Russian. Decent sounding name, good color and glass, but too sweet — even for me. I’ve moved on to Meyer’s rum and ginger ale (a poor man’s Dark ‘n Stormy, since most bars don’t stock ginger beer or Gosling’s Black Seal). It still has the shame of a sweet soda in it, but I’m getting closer.

Some day, maybe I’ll finally cultivate a taste for the Manhattan. And if all else fails, give me a beer. A domestic macrobrew straight-up, no chaser, please.

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Section 1: What will be discussed in this how-to essay

There are many valid reasons to want to disappear from society. There are many shady reasons, also. While the whys of disappearing will not be covered, you will get my opinions on how to disappear successfully.

This essay discusses what I consider the most important points disappearing and remaining successfully hidden in American society.

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12. A Case Study:O Brasileira: A Picturial display of quality and diversity.

These are friends that I have in Brasil. Either I’ve met them from previous
trips, through friends, or online since my last trips and will meet them
next week. I stay in regular contact with all of them. Brasilian chicks are
cool as shit too…if you are feeling one of their girls, they will
definately hook you up. No haterism..though once you start hooking up with
them they can get possessive and really jeolous. Now I have a “namorada”
from Sampa… My tastes doesn’t really
represent the diversity of Brasil because I generally go for slim morenas
and mulattas and Brasil has so much more to offer.

13. Conclusion

There is really nothing more to say than have a good time. Remember these lessons and have fun.

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11. Special Consideration for the Black Man traveling to Brasil.

Generally speaking, Brasilians are very receptive and open. For the most
part you will feel right at home. If you don’t want to look like a blatant
tourist..leave the jersey’s, gold chains, baseball hats, and all of that at
home. Over the last few years, there has been a burst of young black men
coming down to Rio..especially to the Copa area. Generally speaking, the
whores in Club Help don’t care how you act or dress because you are just a
walking ATM machine to them. Lapa is cool for wearing hip hop shit..like for
clubs like Club 6. However, if you want to really set yourself apart when
talking to regular women..just keep it nice and clean and try to fit in.
You’ll be much more well received..when in Brasil, do as brasilians do. But
you have a lot of young guys coming down and acting a fool down in Copa..that
only works with those whores in Club Help. If that is where you want to
remain at Club Help during the duration of your trip…to each his own.
However, if you want to expand and enjoy more of the delights of Brasil.pay
attention to the culture and at least adjust in some minor ways.

12.The Cariaca: The Women of Rio de Janeiro: a minicourse for extra credit
A. Whores
B. Regular Cariocas

A. Whores

If you are really down there only for Club Help women, I will give you a
little insight. However, I’m not going to get too much into this as it isn’t
my ballgame. I take friends to Copa and to Club Help, but when they leave
I’m never over there. I don’t even take women out to dinner here..unless
they are long time friends or she paid the night before. I don’t believe in
sponsoring chicks so I’m definately not going to lease the pussy. However,
if that is what you want to do, that’s you’re ballgame. It’s cool.

Obviously Club Help is the central location for all of your whoring needs.
Club Help is right across from the beach in the center of Copacabana. It is
often called “The Office” because that is where all the hoes go “to work”.
Get there before 12 o’clock to get the discount entry rate. Last time I
remember it was 15Reals before Midnight and 25R after midnight..something
similar to that. When you get in..just be prepared for some “Dusk to Dawn”
anything goes type of thing. Sometimes its fun just to people watch because
you see some tripped out shit. The club probably hold about 600 hundred or
so people. You will find anything from butt ass ugly trolls up the the
occassional fire dime-piece. All the women there are “available”. Personally,
I think that a majority of the chicks there aren’t that tight;however, this
is relative. My first few trips I was still caught up in the exotic nature
of the chicks in general. As I ventured into other areas, I realized that
Club Help girls really are bottom of the totem pole in regards to Brasilian
women. But on your first visit there you may come away impressed because
there will still be dimes that shit on their American counterparts.

Find the chick you want and get her early. Make sure you get your terms
settled early.

Also if Strip clubs and stuff like that are your scene try the Lido district
which you can walk to in few minutes from anywhere in Copa. The nightlife
around the Lido quarter is something unique. Not everything will match
everybody’s taste here, but anyway take a look in to a strange world. In
this area you find some of Rio’s most famous strip clubs and bars. Over all
you can see neon signs at the doors, and photos of dancers in erotic freaky
postures. In other parts of the area you can find pubs and bars as Boite
Holiday, Frank’s Bar, Cicciolina, Pussycat, Scotch Bar, Niko’s. When there
you can ask for other “Boites” with more upscale surroudings. The names
allude me because I’ve never been, but my friends have gone and come back
with interesting pictures witih some fire ass women from some of the upscale
boites like 4×4,etc. I don’t even tempt myself.

Also, one more crazy place is called Villa Momosa. I’ve actually never gone,
but i’ve seen pictures. The shit looks like something out of a old western
with saloons and shit. It is like Club Help on steroids and at 10 percent of
the prices. I hear it is a straight up freak show and judging by the
pictures I’ve seen and the stories from gringoes in Brasil telling me about
it..it seems like some wild shit if you are into that type of things.

Regular Cariocas.

Although Brasilian women are the most exotic i’ve ever encounted(my passport
is full fellas), their physical beauty isn’t the thing that does it. Yes,
you will find a popozuda with ass that you can set a meal on. You will met
blond women with asses that will put a black women’s ass to shame here. You
will meet a woman dark as night, with hair like Chilli, with green or blue
eyes, and curves like a boomerang. It really is quite phenomenal what all
that mixing has produced down there. The pictures posted here before..even
those ones I will post don’t tell the story. Even in my pictures, I noticed
that I tend go after Morenas and Mulattas…however, I’ve far from covered
the diversity with my pics of some minhas amigas in Brasil

But expounding..Brasilian women are the most passionate, effectionate,
sensual, sexual, aggressive, compassionate, etc women you will ever meet.
It’s not just the looks fellas. It is the Brasilian way. When you experience
it…then you realize what a real women is supposed to be. I don’t mean
submissive or anything like that because a brasilian women will not take
anyshit off of you;however, they don’t needlessly produce it. They don’t
want to be men.unlike their American counterparts. All the things you are
missing here…the leaves you unsatisfied with women here, you will find in
Brasil. This is coming from a man who has always done well with women. Put
it like this, I have former girlfriends who were both in the Miss America
and Miss USA pageants. I’ve done well..but it’s not the physical beauty that
the women here were lacking..it was this extreme femininity. I can’t even
put into words. One day of experiences it will ruin you for life. I’ve had
friends come down and call their girls by the end of the week just to say
they aren’t fucking with them anymore. I have friends that still call just
to say that I’ve ruined them for life by taking them there. Because after
experiencing Brasil…it is like going from watching Michael Jordan
everynight and then being forced to watch Shaw Bradley as your only option.
The contrast is that significant.

Let me give you a basic example. Before my last trip, I cut the shit out of
my hand about 3 days before my flight. Anyway, when my friend and his wife
picked me up from the airport, we decided to stop at an outdoor cafe before
stopping by my apartment. Anyway before our food came, I must have reopened
my wound..before I noticed my friends’s wife Priscila pointed it out, get up
and walked off to a drug store. Came back with some bottled water,
neosporin, cleaning clothes, and bandages…washed my bloody hand, cleaned
out my wound, applied ointment, and bandaged it without as much as me saying
a word. Then called later that day to check on my hand. That is what I mean
by compassion. If you can’t appreciate a women being like that, something is
wrong with you. This was my friend’s wife. Imagine what she does for him.
She is beautiful, a dentist, etc etc and she still treats him like a King.
It is a consistent story of all my friends who are either committed or
married. Brasilian women keep you happy in every way. I’m not even going to
speak on sexually.because it must be something in the water..Brasilian women
are always down for having sex…they just have strong sex drives.

I could go on and on about the Brasilian woman. You will see for yourself
when you get there.

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9. Other destinations in Brasil.

I will only make small suggestions about other places as I’m sure most
people won’t venture past Rio.

1. Sao Paulo: Big city. Can even intimidate a New Yorker. It is the largest
city in South America….but very similar to New York…lost of restaurants,
businesses, etc. Diametrically opposed to Rio… Cariocas often say the best
things about Sampa(Sau paulo) is the flight back to Rio. Paulistas(residents
of Sampa) say that Cariocas only care about going to the beach and are lazy.

I live here now. I think the nightlife is much better than Rio de Janeiro. The clubs are better..the music is better..and the women are physically more beautiful….they may not have the Carioca bodies but they are really beautiful women here..and more likely to speak a bit of English.

A couple of good clubs.

Jose Bom Bom

Saturday night is the best night here. Music is tight. Dime Alert!!!! crazy dimes

Blem Blem…close to Jose Bom Bom…same thing as above

Carioca Clube: samba and pagode..a hidden gym

2. Salvador: the largest population of African people outside of Africa.
This was the first slave port of the western hemisphere and still has much
its african roots. 90 Percent of the population can trace their ancestors
directly back to Africa. Those the music and culture is heavily dominated by
African Themes….for instance, you will see capeiora being practices all
over the place. Baians(people from the state of Bahia where Salvador is) are
very friendly people…extremely. Salvador is known for its laid back
culture. The women are also very beautiful..especially if you are into
mulattas and negras..also very very gracious. The nightlife like Rio, but
you can find enough to do. However, Salvador is home of the largest Carnaval
and street festival in the world. It is by far the best in all of Brasil.

Recife, Fortaleza,etc…cool stuff to see up North, but it is hotter than a
muthafucka up there. The best beaches are here, but the sun will be
tapdancing on your fucking neck.

10. Red flags and other warnings.

1. Do not wear flash jewelry. I don’t care where you are from, it’s
luxurious compared to the slums in Rio…and why flaunt your wealth. Some
dudes(banditos) come to Copa specifically to jack tourists. However, being
black you can blend in, but they will notice that you aren’t brasilian. On
my first trips I would often be mistaken for a brasilian until I spoke. Now
some chicks things I’m playing around when I say that I’m really American.
They think I’m faking an accent. But back to the point, the thiefs tend to
target our pale faced American counterparts because they are obviously
tourist and just generally are more vulnerable targets….but still leave
the jewelry, watches, etc at home when in Copa. Ipanema and Leblon are fine,
but that Club Help area is suspect.

2. Don’t trust the Police. If you think they are corrupt here, you have no
clue. In Brasil a policeman may make less than 100 dollars per month..so
they make their money hustling. One of their hustles is shaking down
tourist..don’t get caught with weed,etc. I know two white boys from Cali
that were down there and got caught with cocaine..took those mofos straight
to the ATM and cleaned them out..ironically even let them keep the coke.
They probably made a year’s salary off those kids. So watch out.

3. Respect the Brasilian “gangsta”. If you are in a regular club, don’t go
down there on some ignorant ghetto shit. 70 percent of Brasilian dudes have
studied brasilian jujitsu..For those of you who think you are “gangsta” and
often get drunk and start shit in clubs. If you think you will do so and
plan to go outside of the tourist area, Do a search for Vanderlei Silva and
watch a couple of hightlight clips and realize that most brasilians play
soccer and learn jujitsu as second nature. There is a good chance you will
get your ass beat something awful. If you should happen to get yourself in a
situation, which is highly unlikely if you aren’t looking for it, it’s not
going to be pretty. Just remember that you are on vocation and are there for
fun..not for trouble. I’ve seen a few 6 foot 4 type muscle head arrogant
americans catch some of the most brutal ass woopins imaginable by some
little 5 foot 7, 150 pound Brasilian dude. And those are the nice ones that
just want run you out of there and chop you up(like up in Zona Norte spots).
Just Say my bad and keep it moving..remember you are there for encounters
with women, not men. I have seen cats get bodied at Club Olympo..chess blown out….4 in the chess.then the AKs came in spraying. Be careful in Zona Norte Clubs.

4. Don’t drink tap water. Only bottled water.

5. Make several copies of your passport and keep a copy with you.

6. Don’t ever go to some whore’s apartment..always go back to your place if
you go that route. You may have some dudes run up in the apartment and pull
a jack move while you are running up in her. It has happened. Despite the
lovy dovy shit, remember what Club Help is really all about..don’t get it
twisted. I would suggest just avoiding Copa altogether, but that’s just me.

7. Never carry more than 100U.S. dollars with you. You will never spend that
much. Keep your money tucked away in a safe place in your apartment. Don’t
forget your room key.

8. For you cats that are just nasty and do give a fuck..stay away from the
street whores. Claudia is more likely just Claudo.

9. Also, Carnaval is not the best time to go to Rio. I’ve been there several
times for Carnaval and last time actually peformed in the parade. During
Carnaval, the city is taken over by tourists, the younger locals go to
Salvador so the clubs aren’t jumping, and the prices are triple of the
normal rates..this is a common misconception. Do not come for Carnaval
unless you specifically want to see the Parades.

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7. Navigating the Environment

Car Rental

Don’t rent a car. Cariocas make drivers in NYC look like Utah mormons. Case
in point: At night they don’t observe red lights..because of the
possibilities of car jackings, people just roll through red lights. Don’t
take the chance. Also, I find Rio difficult to navigate, you would only get
lost in a car.

Taxis:

Transportation of choice. Cheap and effective. Just make sure the driver
cuts the meter on and you are cool. No matter where you are and no matter
what time..you will also find a taxi easily. If you stick to Copa, Ipanema,
and Leblon taxi rides will be about 5 dollars US.

Bus:
Cheap, frequent,and convenient. However, getting on the wrong bus could get
your dropped off on the Favela…not really…but it can be hard to navigate.I would suggest avoiding unless you know portuguese or absolutely sure of your location and bus number.

Subway.
Also cheap and convenient..same as above applies.

8. Being a Tourist: Some sights you must visit.
.

Sugar Loaf

The Sugar Loaf is relatively close to Ipanema and Copacabana, and the best
way to get there is by taxi. I suggest you plan your visit for the
afternoon, to enjoy the sun and the incredibly view far above the lights of
Rio, the domestic airport and Niteroi on the other side of the bay. You will
find a big bar on the summit, where you can buy some drinks. It is open till
10 PM. However, if you go to Corcovado, I don’t think it is necessary to go
to Sugar Loaf…but that is just my opinion.

Price: 10 US

Corcovado (Jesus Statue)

Not that close to Copacabana and Ipanema, and the route there goes through
some of the rougher parts of town, but this is probably the most famous
landmark of Rio. That is where the pictures are taken for the famous Rio
postcard views. The view is nice. Seriously, the voice is really something
that you won’t forget. Just remember to go on a very clear day.

Price: about 20 dollars US with transportation

Doing a Favela Tour.

Rio de Janeiro is a city of contrasts and extremes. Overwhelming energy and
glitz go hand in hand with poverty and desperation. However, even those who
live in the shady parts of the city have kept their “joie de vivre” and
optimism, and that is what makes Rio unique. You can get past the shine of
Copa and do a tour to see the Favelas. They are safe. This is also an
opportunity to have a close look on the work done by many volunteer-based
organizations to improve the conditions of life in these poor neighborhoods.
Most of the projects aim to provide conditions for a better future for the
children who are the innocent victims of social inequalities. If you really
want to have a full picture of Rio, this part of it is also worth seeing.
The people are very friendly. Don’t worry about running into “The Runts or
Lil Ze’ ”

Price: about 25 dollars US

Hang Gliding.

I know alot of you might not want to mess with this, but it is worth it.
Depending on the weather and wind, flights are about 15 to 20 minutes.
Starting at the “Pedra da Gávea,” you will fly over the Rainforest of Tijuca
and Barra Da Tijuca and will land on the beautiful beach of Sao Conardo.
Enjoy the incredible panoramic view of Rio’s ocean coast. This is a must-do
while you visit.

Price: About 45 dollars US.

Maracana(futbol dome)

If you are there during soccer season, you have to go to a soccer game at
this stadium. The shit will blow you away. I’ve actually been to a
championship game here and celebrated in the locker room with Flamengo. My
friend’s dad used to run the team for several years. One of the world’s
largest stadiums, Maracana was built for IV World Cup of Football that
happened in Rio in 1950. Soccer is the national sport in Brazil, and the
stadium is often filled to capacity with more than 90,000 people when there
is a major match, and the official record is of 183,341. Insane! and you
have never seen people at a game like this…It can often just seem like a
party at times. Maracana is also used for mega-shows every now and then, and
artists like Frank Sinatra, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones have
already performed here

Price: about 10-15 US dollars for a game.

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